Openness to Change
How gentle acceptance in therapy can lead to greater openness
Pistachios. A healthy snack and the inspiration for my reflection on openness.
In an attempt to eat healthily, I’ve been enjoying munching on nuts and seeds as snacks. There’s a great stall on the Preston Indoor Market selling all sorts of dried fruits and nuts. My favourite? Pistachios! I love their colour, texture and taste. Frustratingly, there’s always a few nuts left at the bottom of the packet which are tricky to open. The shell of the nut is clamped tightly, with little room left for my fingers to prize the nut free from its container. My understanding is that pistachios open as they ripen, and I guess some of the nuts have been picked just before they were fully ripe. Usually, the temptation to eat the pistachio gets the better of me, and I find myself trying to lever the nut out with my fingernail, forcing the shell open, probably with more effort than is wise.
The psychological concept of openness
These lowly nuts, however, got me thinking about the psychological concept of openness. And the process in therapy of opening up as we share our feelings, thoughts and inner world with a counsellor or psychotherapist. That’s what I want to explore here in this blog. Some people can talk openly with friends, family, and in therapy too. They show a high degree of openness in their life in general. However, many more people find this challenging – and there are often complex factors that have led to their closedness and their protective outer defences. It’s important for me as a therapist to respect and honour a person’s closedness. Whilst I am ruthless when it comes to the pistachios, you’ll be pleased to know I’m not in the business of insisting people open up or prizing them open with forcefulness. When it comes to therapy, patience, consistent gentleness and holding space is the way forwards.
Patience, consistent gentleness and holding space are central to my practice as a therapist.
What is openness?
Openness is one of traits identified by psychologists seeking to describe different personality styles. Openness is a concept that helps psychologists measure and define personality. Some people demonstrate a high degree of openness – others, less so. We can think of openness as being on a continuum.
Features of openness
People who score highly in the personality trait of openness are open-minded, curious, and creative: usually remaining open to and energized by new experiences, new people and new ideas. They might also find themselves getting bored easily and might be prone to challenging authority and taking risks.
In contrast, people with a less open personality are more likely to favour predictability, preferring to stick to routine and “play it safe”. They may well keep a small, familiar group of friends. And they might “keep their cards close to their chest” and want to establish if they can trust you before they let their guard down at all.
Closedness
Some people are less open. They reveal very little about themselves and its hard to find a way in to get to know them at a deeper level.
How open are you?
So, I wonder whether you consider yourself to be higher or lower in the personality trait of openness?
If you’re higher in the trait of openness, you’re more likely to be given the label “open-minded”. Perhaps you have a whole back catalogue of hobbies and interests that you’ve tried? You might be someone who asks lots of questions because of your openness to knowing and understanding. People who show a tendency towards a high degree of openness might:
Find themselves getting bored easily.
Be comfortable challenging authority.
Ask questions to understand other people’s views.
Happily socialize with a range of different people.
Talk openly about their own feelings, thoughts and opinions.
If you have a lower openness to experience, then you might get the label “predictable”. Perhaps people see you as resistant to change, and you might well feel more comfortable maintaining the status quo”? You may well:
Prefer to stick to a familiar group of friends.
Stick to a familiar routine and pattern in life.
Feel threatened by situations where you are asked to say something about yourself.
Choose predictability over and above spontaneity.
Do you want to be more open?
Is it a case that “more open” = good, “less open = bad”? This is a very complex question to answer. Firstly, I’d like to invite you to consider your own answer to the question? Are you satisfied with your own degree of openness? Do you long to be more or less open than you currently see yourself to be? This might help you identify for yourself if you are carrying a value judgement around openness.
How open are you?
What sorts of judgements do you carry around how open you “should”, “ought” or “need” to be?
Secondly, it is worth considering what research has to say about the benefits of openness. Research shows a link between openness and intelligence and creativity (Benedek et al., 2014). Openness seems to result in innovative thought – what we might call “thinking outside of the box”.
People who demonstrate a high degree of openness are more likely to be curious and interested in difference which can contribute towards a more inclusive society (Han & Pistole, 2017).
And we know that remaining open to new experiences is a factor that can contribute to optimal wellbeing (Farrier et al., 2019).
Understanding the role of openness in your life
So, research tells us there can be benefits to approaching life with a sense of openness. However, as a psychotherapist, it is far too complex for me to be comfortable in pushing a person towards being more open. Even if a person comes to counselling looking to be more open-minded and ready to embrace new experiences, I am interested in first understanding the role closedness has played in their life. There will be reasons and factors for this. I am curious about the ways they may have needed to be less vulnerable, to keep their cards close to their chest, to resist change. Staying stuck might feel preferrable to embracing new avenues. Perhaps remaining closed was the safest way to be in the environment they find themselves? I know that openness can have a genetic component - research on identical twins raised in different environments showing similar scores on openness to experience tests (Jang et al.,1996). And I also recognise the ways that upbringing and environment influence our tendency towards or away from openness. Parental warmth has been associated with openness to experience in adolescents (Fadda et al., 2015). In other words, as I work with someone, I want to stay open to understanding what role openness plays for them in life, and how they’ve arrived at that position? I see understanding and befriending our closedness as a step towards other possibilities. Any forcing of change on my part would be counterproductive.
I want to stay open to understanding the role openness plays in your life.
Gentle acceptance as a therapeutic approach towards openness
In my therapeutic work, I’m influenced by the work of Carl Rogers – the founder of person-centred psychotherapy. Rogers advocated for non-judgmental acceptance – there is no forcing open, or prizing apart for Rogers:
“People are just as wonderful as sunsets if I can let them be. When I look at a sunset, I don't find myself saying, "Soften the orange a little on the right-hand corner, and put a bit more purple along the base, and use a little more pink in the cloud color." I don't do that. I don’t try to control a sunset. I watch it with awe as it unfolds” (Rogers, 1980).
Person-centered approaches allow for this gentle unfolding that comes from non-judgmental acceptance and empathic interest.
In my therapeutic work, I am also influenced by Gestalt psychotherapy, and the concept of the “paradoxical theory of change”. The idea that, when I can accept myself as I am, in the here-and-now, without a push for change, then change can happen. Change happens organically when one becomes what one is, not what one wants to be. It is in the accepting that I am freed up towards new possibilities.
When I offer my support to my clients by empathically, gently and kindly being open myself to staying with their experience of closedness, I am – paradoxically – lending my support towards the possibility of greater openness.
Again, Rogers has something helpful to say here about the power of gentle empathic acceptance in the process of change and growth:
“We think we listen, but very rarely do we listen with real understanding, true empathy. Yet listening, of this very special kind, is one of the most potent forces for change that I know” (Rogers, 1961).
My experience of working with clients is that empathic, accepting and non-judgmental listening is a potent force for letting go of a need for closedness. Unlike the pistachio nuts left languishing at the bottom of the pack, humans can grow towards greater openness simply by having their closedness acknowledged and honoured. No forcing, no pushing, no prizing open required for a gentle ripening to occur. Perhaps I’ll go a bit easier on the nuts from now on!
Gentleness and acceptance in therapy means no forcing, no pushing, no prizing open required.
Reflection points for working with openness:
I’d like to leave you with a few pointers that might support your own reflection around openness and unfolding. These can be things you explore in therapy. Equally, I hope they can be helpful prompts for your own individual reflection.
What situations and relationships support you to feel more open?
How does closedness show up in your life?
What does openness feel like in your body?
How have past experiences impacted your need for more or less openness?
What does it feel like to be pushed or forced towards vulnerability? How do you tend to respond?
What is your closedness asking of you?
And, if are considering how psychotherapy can support you and would like to discuss how we might be able to work together – either face-to-face in Preston or via online therapy, please do get in touch.
References:
Benedek, M., Jauk, E., Sommer, M., Arendasy, M., & Neubauer, A. C. (2014). Intelligence, creativity, and cognitive control: The common and differential involvement of executive functions in intelligence and creativity. Intelligence, 46, 73-83. doi:10.1016/j.intell.2014.05.007
Fadda, D., Scalas, L. F., & Meleddu, M. (2015). Contribution of personal and environmental factors on positive psychological functioning in adolescents. Journal of Adolescence, 43, 119–131. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.adolescence.2015.05.019
Farrier A, Dooris M, Froggett L. (2019). Five Ways to Wellbeing: holistic narratives of public health programme participants. Global Health Promotion. 26(3):71-79. doi:10.1177/1757975917732352
Han, S., & Pistole, M. C. (2017). Big Five Personality Factors and Facets as Predictors of Openness to Diversity. The Journal of Psychology, 151(8), 752–766. https://doi.org/10.1080/00223980.2017.1393377
Jang, K. L.; Livesly, W. J.; Vemon, P.A. (1996). Heritability of the big five personality dimensions and their facets: A twin study. Journal of Personality. 64 (3): 577–592. doi:10.1111/j.1467-6494.1996.tb00522.x
Rogers, C. R. (1980). A Way of Being. Houghton Mifflin.
Rogers, C.R. (1961). On becoming a person. Constable.