Twixmas Reflections

Ponderings on In-Between Spaces and Places

I’ve heard the phrase “Twixmas” a few times recently.  As I understand it, it’s a handy way to refer to the days that fall between Christmas and New Year, the “betwixt and between” days.  I know that for many people these days are business as usual.  If you don’t celebrate Christmas, or you work in retail, or within the emergency services, for example, you may well be clocking up your usual (or more) working hours.  But for some of us (me included) it’s a chance to take a break and pause in this space between.  As I prepare for my own Twixmas, there’s various thoughts and ponderings around the theme of “in-between” emerging for me and this blog is a chance to express some of my reflections.

Twixmas

Time for many people to take a break and pause in the in-between space between Christmas and New Year.

Physcial and Psychological In-Between Spaces

I am fascinated by liminal spaces – the in-between places we inhabit as humans, physically and psychologically.  The places where something has or is coming to an end, and we’ve not yet transitioned fully to something new.  In my counselling practice, working with people who are grieving or processing loss is so often a time of accompanying people as they move through their own experience of betweenness.  And that’s true for many other examples of loss:  redundancy and retirement, empty-ness experience, the ending of a relationship or transitioning from university into the world of work to name but a few.  There can be an anxious unfamiliarity in these in-between spaces, and it can feel difficult to clearly see the route ahead.  I think of my therapeutic work as a counsellor as a form of map making as clients begin to flesh out what their own path ahead might look like, and how they feel about something or someone becoming a feature of the past, and of memories and longings.  Of course, “the map is not the territory” and as we journey through their experience in counselling, myself and client can both become clearer about their experience of in-betweenness. It is by walking through the terrain of the inbetween space that we become clearer about any needs arising in relation to the place we now inhabit.  

It can be hard to see the route ahead when you’re inhabiting an in-between space.

Twixmas Self-Care:  Filling the Tank

This Twixmas I hope to enjoy a few activities that tend to fill my tank. I will have my own in-between space as I take a break from my counselling work.  Of course, self-care is so important to everyone to look after our own wellbeing, but for me as a therapist, it’s a way I can bring my compassionate self to clients who are journeying through their times of betweenness and the many emotions this evokes for them.  It’s important I do things and take time to restore myself so I can continue to hold space for my clients. 

Twixmas walks to “fill the tank” include taking time to pause, rest a while and enjoy the view.

Walking in nature and relaxing and reading are two things that help to restore my energy.  One of my local walks here in Preston takes me past some farmland, and I enjoy the chance to pause and look through or over farm gates as I do so.  As well as giving me chance to (physically) get my breath back, resting against a farm gate for a while provides a chance to take stock.  Farm gates are a reminder to me of between spaces – opportunities to move forwards or stay still and pause and take in the vista – including the path I’ve been walking along.   I enjoy the imagery (being a visual thinker) of an open gate, and the sense of invitation that presents to me.  I think of Twixmas as a sort of open gate, inviting me to pause, rest and consider my next steps once January comes.  Perhaps if I get chance, I’ll head Northwards, away from Preston, to the beautiful Morecambe bay coastline and visit the evocative St Patrick’s Chapel at Heysham, taking a look towards the Irish Sea through the stone doorway.  What a treat!

Doorway of St Patrick’s Chapel Heysham

A Twixmas walk that includes chance to look out onto the Irish Sea, and accept this place’s invitation to take stock and reflect.

When it comes to self-care, reading is another thing that brings me a sense of settled-ness.  If I want to really switch off, and get into relax mode, I enjoy reading a book that I know is a “safe bet” – one that I’ve read before and know I enjoy and feels soothing, familiar, and comforting.  I may well pick up The Salt Path by Raynor Winn.  This memoir tells the story of a physical journey around the South Coast by a couple who inhabit many forms of their own in-between. The protagonists’ transition from the seeming financial security of their past to an uncertain future, whilst also dealing with the specter of health challenges and fears of future loss.  I’ve read the Salt Path a few times now, so am immune from being uncertain and unsure about the book’s ending.  That’s a pleasant feeling, and a respite from the many forms of feeling in-between that are part of the human condition. It’s good to remember that in the uncertainty and anxiety of in-between times, it’s okay and sometimes essential to have things that bring comfort, stability and a sense of security.  We all need times of respite.  

The Space Between Us

The idea of “Twixmas” also reminds me of one of the principles at the heart of my work as a counsellor here in Preston.  I trained in Integrative Psychotherapy and place a real importance on working relationally in my client work.  It is the relationship between us that holds or integrates the different strands that inform my practice. The therapeutic relationship can be thought of as a space in-between. The American Psychotherapist, Jessica Benjamin, writes about this in-between space between client and therapist as an encounter where we be both ourselves as individuals, and create a “third” space of connection between us (Benjamin, 2017).  A space of transformation that is unique to each encounter. That space is not something predictable or “off-the shelf”, and should not feel like therapy is being “done-to” you.  I experience this space as different with every client I work with.  That’s because we create something “betwixt us” that is informed by both of us in connection, together we “do” therapy. 

The space between

In therapy, we create something “betwixt us” that is informed by both of us in connection.

Twixmas:  A Time for Reflection?

So, as I get ready to take a pause from work and enter the Twixmas zone, I’d like to offer you some pointers that may (or may not) help you reflect on the many different in-between spaces in your life.  These can be thought of as prompts for self-reflection.  They’re also questions you can use within your own counselling when working with a therapist to journey through your inner landscape. 

·       How do you feel about events, relationships and/or experiences coming to an end in your life?

·       How do times of transition impact you?  What do you need in these times?

·       What fresh opportunities are on your horizon?  How do you feel about these?

·       To what extent can you allow yourself to pause and take stock when things in your life change?  What helps you to pause?  What gets in the way of your pausing and processing?

·       What helps you to “fill your tank”?

·       Do you have many relationships in your life where you can be yourself, just as you are, and accept others’ just as they are?  What’s that like for you? 

And, if you’d like to enquire about face-to-face therapy in Preston with myself, or via online counselling, I’ll be back to working relationally with clients in the New Year.  If you get chance for your own version of Twixmas, may you get enough of what it is you need from this in-between time. 

References:

Benjamin, J. (2017). Beyond Doer and Done to: Recognition Theory, Intersubjectivity and the Third (1st ed.). Routledge.