No-fuss anxiety tips #17
Embrace your mistakes
Welcome to the 17th blog in this 20-article series covering simple tips and techniques for managing anxiety. Each tip draws upon therapeutic thinking from a range of psychological and psychotherapy theories and is designed to offer you a no-nonsense way to find greater ease in your life, rather than feeling imprisoned by anxiety.
What these tips won’t do is explore the origins and purpose of anxiety for you – this type of deeper exploration is what therapy offers. That said, having strategies for managing anxiety is a great place to start. Each article is designed to be a quick read, and with practical implementable ideas. Let’s look at our next tip, then: embrace mistakes.
Mistakes are inevitable
*Spoiler alert* You are going to mess something up this week. You’ll get it wrong, misjudge or forget something. It’s inevitable that you’ll make some mistake this week. It’s likely you’ll make a mistake today. You’re human, and humans make mistakes. If it’s any comfort, I can guarantee that I will also make at least one mistake - likely, many - this week. I won’t set out to deliberately get it wrong, but I do accept it is inevitable from time to time. Like you, I am human.
The trap of perfectionism
Knowing that, of course, doesn’t make it easy to accept when it happens. It can be hard to acknowledge, admit and accept your fallibility. However, failing to do so can reinforce a perfectionist mindset - “I must not, I will not, I have not made a mistake”. If you cling to a perfectionist mindset and believe that mistakes make you a failure, then mistakes are likely to lead to anxiety and worry. You’re more likely to fall into the trap of self-criticism and self-attack.
The link between perfectionism and anxiety
Aiming for perfection often comes from a place of fear. A fear of failure, getting it wrong or being judged as “not good enough”. We can often fall into the trap of feeling that, if we get everything right, everything perfect, we will be able to avoid anxiety. It’s a fallacy, however, as you will never be able to get everything perfect.
Mistakes as an opportunity
Instead of clinging resolutely to the belief that you must not get it wrong, you can view mistakes through another lens, another mindset. By framing mistakes as opportunities for adaptation, learning and growth, any error begins to feel more positive (or at least less negative!). In time, you are likely to have less fear around mistakes and may even be able to embrace your “oops moments”. Whilst taking pride in doing something well is a mark of healthy self-esteem, it is a fallacy to believe or think you will or must never make a mistake.
Kintsugi (金継ぎ): Highlighting your flaws
The Japanese art form of Kintsugi (金継ぎ) which literally translates as "golden joinery" is used to repair broken pottery. Rather than hide the imperfection of a crack in the broken vessel, golden lacquer is used to cement and also highlight the flaw. It’s a powerful reminder of the pottery’s journey and history and reminds us that flaws and imperfections are not to be feared. Likewise, schools nowadays teach children the FAIL acronym: mistakes are seen as a First Attempt In Learning. Children are encouraged to notice mistakes, reflect upon what they’ve learnt as a result and what they want to do differently in their next attempt. This was of thinking is often called a “growth mindset”. Harvard research shows that a growth mindset can help with managing Mental Health, including anxiety levels (Schleider,et al., 2015).
A Japanese Kintsugi bowl previously on display at the Harris Museum and Art Gallery, Preston.
This piece of art celebrates flaws, reminding us to embrace our own “oops” moments.
There’ll be more blogs within this series covering other strategies for living with greater ease if you struggle with anxiety. Feel free to check them out.
Get in Touch
If you’d like to talk through how counselling can help you with a deeper exploration of your anxiety, do make contact with me, Claire Law. We can talk through how online counselling or face-to-face counselling at my therapy room in Preston can help manage your anxiety.
References:
Schleider, J.L., Abel, M.R. and Weisz, J.R. (2015) ‘Implicit theories and youth mental health problems: A random-effects meta-analysis’, Clinical psychology review, 35, pp. 1–9.