Self-Care without the Cringe

Welcome to the final article in this mini-series on self-care. We’ve already explored how self-care involves being a good friend to yourself and the factors that can get in the way of self-care and self-compassion, including core beliefs we carry about ourselves. In this blog, I’ll be sharing with you some down-to-earth and practical ideas about how you can increase your self-care levels, without the cringe factor. 

Self-care cringe

Do your toes curl at the phrase “attitude of gratitude”? If so, you might have an instictive ick to all things self-care.

Resistance to self-care:

In the previous blog, we recognized that it’s not unusual to feel some degree of resistance to self-care. Our resistance can present itself in a whole host of explanations and excuses. Do you ever find yourself saying:

• “I can’t afford to practice self-care”

• “I’m too busy for self-care”

• “Self-care is just the latest buzz word”

• “Self-care is simply a marketing gimmick”.

Perhaps you recognise some of these phrases. 

And yet, underneath these excuses and reasons, there can be a whole host of core beliefs that lead us to feel awkward and uncomfortable about being kind, caring and compassionate to self. 

Core beliefs that include:

• “I don’t matter”.

• “I’m worthless”.

• “I deserve to be pushed and pulled through life”.

• “Whether I am acceptable or not depends on how hard I work”.

• “I’m only okay if…..”.

Any of these familiar?

If so, you may well find you feel awkward, clunky and uncomfortable with anything with a vague whiff of “self-care” or “self-compassion”.

Do you criticize, punish and self-attack?

If so, anything with a whiff of “self-care” or “self-compassion” is likely to feel awkward, at least to begin with.

Practical, non-cringe self-care:

Knowing that self-care and being kind and compassionate to ourselves really is beneficial, then, it can be useful to have some strategies to hand that are practical, down to earth and not too “self-carey”. These can help us to embed a little bit more self-kindness into our daily routine without waking the sleeping lion of our resistance. Here, we cover five self-care approaches – I wonder if any of these might work for you?

Grow your no:

Do you have an awful lot on your plate?  Are you juggling a whole range of priorities?  If so, what happens when you hear “can I just ask you to…..”, or “I know you’re busy, but…..”. If you’re someone who can slip into people pleasing, saying “no” is challenging. And yet, it can be a powerful form of self-care. Rather than exhaust yourself by agreeing to one more thing, make it a principle that for every “yes” you say, you build in a “no”. If you pick something up, make sure you put something down. We can think of saying “no” as an exercise of flexing your boundaries. Cut yourself some slack and take care of your time, energy and interest by growing your “no”.  And if no feels too harsh, you can always try “no, thankyou!”

There’s lots of ways to say “no”.

If you’re anxious about coming across as rude, try “no, thankyou!” to grow your no.

Be a good friend to yourself:

Each day, make it a conscious practice to ask yourself what you imagine someone who loves you would say to you right now? That person can be someone you know, or someone from your past, or even an imaginary person. The key is – this person speaks with warmth, kindness and with your best interests in mind. Rather than giving yourself some affirmation, by imaging what others might say to you, you can overcome some of the awkwardness that speaking good things to yourself can evoke. For example, you might have a mental image of your grandmother saying “I’m proud of you”, or you may imagine your best friend saying “don’t be so hard on yourself, you’re doing your best!”

Sweat it out:

Physical exercise helps lift our mood and our spirit. Experiencing strength in your physical body can help you towards a greater appreciation and awareness of yourself.  Choose a form of exercise you enjoy – this is an act of self-care, afterall. And then, aim to bring a sense of awareness to your body as you exercise.  Consider the function and purpose of your lungs, for example. Or the role your feet play. What about your glute muscles – what are they doing for you?  As you exercise, you can begin to connect with appreciation – and, dare I say it, a sense of gratitude. But if the phrase “attitude of gratitude makes you squirm”, then stick to “my legs are keeping me upright at the moment” or “my heart is pumping blood around my body, just now” to help reinforce a positive approach to yourself. 

Make the mind-body connection work for you

Connecting to your body through exercise can help you value the ways your body “has your back”.

Ditch the Drains: 

It can be an act of self-care to recognise who helps to bring positivity to your life, and who brings you down. Some people are bullies, unkind, critical and demanding. Make a list of the people who really do not help you feel good about yourself. Then find ways to reduce or limit your contact as a form of non-cringe self-care. If contact is unavoidable – you can help limit the impact of time spent with people who drain you by giving less of yourself. Short, straightforward answers to questions and seeking to remain neutral towards them allows you to preserve your own energy and vulnerabilities for people who help you to feel good about life. 

Ride the self-efficacy wave:

Getting things ticked off your “to-do” list feels great. Along with each tick comes a boost of dopamine, the brain’s neurotransmitter responsible for generating feelings of accomplishment, satisfaction and happiness. It can be a form of self-care to get things done!  Help yourself by ensuring things on the to-do list are achievable. Don’t over stretch yourself. Equally, make sure they are “big ticket” enough to get a sense of a job-well done. I  like to call this sweet spot the “extendable grasp territory”. Things you need to reach and stretch for but are ultimately doable. If you’re Autistic or ADHD, the structure of a plan and schedule can help. Simple tips like tackling the worst job first can really help you towards efficiency. 

Get yourself a tick-list dopamine hit.

And feel efficient in the process.

 We’ve covered five self-care activities there.  I hope they are sufficiently “low cringe” for you.  And, if you still feel the “ick” from any of these, perhaps remembering that awkwardness is survivable might help – no-one dies from awkwardness - you’ll come out the other side! In fact, in time, you are likely to re-calibrate yourself, so that you feel less resistance to self-care as your core beliefs begin to adapt. 

Along with our previous two articles on self-care (which you can read here and here), this blog has aimed to get you thinking and reflecting on self-care in your own life – including any barriers. We’ve seen that our core beliefs about ourselves, and past experiences, can shape our connection with care for self. And therapy is a great place to explore these themes, so you can come to a better understanding of yourself. If you’d like to explore any of these aspects further in therapy, I’d be glad to hear from you, and chat through with you how I might be able to help – either via online counselling, or through face-to-face counselling sessions in Preston.  Take good care of you.