No-fuss anxiety tips #17

Embrace your mistakes

Welcome to the 17th blog in this 20-article series covering simple tips and techniques for managing anxiety. Each tip draws upon therapeutic thinking from a range of psychological and psychotherapy theories and is designed to offer you a no-nonsense way to find greater ease in your life, rather than feeling imprisoned by anxiety. 

What these tips won’t do is explore the origins and purpose of anxiety for you – this type of deeper exploration is what therapy offers. That said, having strategies for managing anxiety is a great place to start.  Each article is designed to be a quick read, and with practical implementable ideas.  Let’s look at our next tip, then: embrace mistakes. 

*Spoiler alert* You are going to mess something up this week. You’ll get it wrong, misjudge or forget something. It’s inevitable that you will make some mistake this week. It’s likely you’ll make a mistake today. You’re human, and humans make mistakes. Knowing that of course doesn’t make it easy to accept when it happens, of course, Yet, if you cling to a perfectionist mindset and believe that mistakes make you a failure, then mistakes are likely to lead to anxiety and worry. You’re more likely to fall into the trap of self-criticism and self-attack.

Aiming for perfection often comes from a place of fear.  A fear of failure, getting it wrong or being judged as “not good enough”. We can often fall into the trap of feeling that, if we get everything right, everything perfect, we will be able to avoid anxiety. Instead, you can view mistakes through another lens, another mindset by framing mistakes as opportunities for adaption, learning and growth. Now your error begins to feel more positive (or at least less negative!). In time, you are likely to have less fear around mistakes and may even be able to embrace your “oops moments”.

Whilst taking pride in doing something well is a mark of healthy self-esteem, it is a fallacy to believe or think you will or must never make a mistake.  

The Japanese art form of Kintsugi (金継ぎ) which literally translates as "golden joinery" is used to repair broken pottery.  Rather than hide the imperfection of a crack in the broken vessel, golden lacquer is used to cement and also highlight the flaw.  It’s a powerful reminder of the pottery’s journey and history and reminds us that flaws and imperfections are not to be feared.  Likewise, schools nowadays teach children the FAIL acronym:  mistakes are seen as a First Attempt In Learning.  Children are encouraged to notice mistakes, reflect upon what they’ve learnt as a result and what they want to do differently in their next attempt.  This was of thinking is often called a “growth mindset”.  Harvard research[i] shows that a growth mindset can help with managing Mental Health, including anxiety levels. 

A Japanese Kintsugi bowl previously on display at the Harris Museum, Preston.

This piece of art celebrates flaws, reminding us to embrace our own “oops” moments.

There’ll be more blogs within this series covering other strategies for living with greater ease if you struggle with anxiety.  If you’re considering speaking with a counsellor about anxiety, do get in touch. We can work together through online counselling or through face-to-face counselling at my therapy room in Preston. 

References:

[i] Schleider, J.L., Abel, M.R. and Weisz, J.R. (2015) ‘Implicit theories and youth mental health problems: A random-effects meta-analysis’, Clinical psychology review, 35, pp. 1–9.