No-fuss anxiety tips #3

Be kind to yourself

Welcome to the third blog in a series of 20-short articles with simple tips and techniques for managing anxiety. These strategies are designed to give you a sense of agency when it comes to managing anxiety. Each tip draws upon therapeutic thinking from a range of psychological and psychotherapy theories.  My hope is that, rather than feel like anxiety is in charge, you’ll have some tried and tested ways to tackle anxiety.

What these tips won’t do is explore the origins and purpose of anxiety for you – this type of deeper exploration is what therapy offers.  That said, having strategies for managing anxiety is a great place to start.  Each article is designed to be quick read, no-fuss. So, let’s get into technique number three:  be kind to yourself.      

When we feel anxious, stressed and worried, it can be a challenge to be compassionate or kind. We may become frustrated, tense and angry and act that feeling out by speaking curtly or criticising towards others.  It’s also possible that we criticise, blame or attack ourselves. 

For this reason, Dr. Kirsten Neff (Associate Professor Human Development and Culture at the University of Texas) began to research the role of self-compassion as an antidote to self-criticism. She discovered that self-compassion is a powerful tool supporting mental wellbeing and health. 

Compassion means to notice suffering and then responding to their pain without judgement. Self-compassion involves recognising your own pain and suffering, and responding with care, warmth, kindness and non-judgement. Instead of mercilessly criticizing yourself for shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal struggles. 

Dr. Neff’s research has helped to identify three key features of self-compassion:

1. Self-kindness vs. Self-judgment.  

Self-compassionate people recognize that making mistakes is part of being human. They avoid harsh self-criticism and judgment when they experience difficulty. 

2. Common humanity vs. Isolation.

Self-compassionate people recognize that all humans experience suffering and pain and make mistakes. This helps them to feel connected to others, rather than feeling alone and isolated because of their pain. 

3. Mindfulness vs. Over-identification.

Self-compassionate people can take a balanced approach to negative emotions so that feelings are acknowledged and recognised without defining a person or becoming “over-identified” with thoughts and feelings. 

Today, notice when you experience self-criticism. Pause, and breathe. Then ask yourself how you can choose to respond with self-compassion?  How can you be kind to yourself today? 

Look out for more blogs within this anxiety-themed series.  And, if you’d like to talk through how counselling can help you towards a deeper exploration of your anxiety, do get in touch. We can work together through online counselling or through face-to-face counselling at my therapy room in Preston.